I'm hiding, not looking, locking myself away for at least the next couple of days. There has never been a birthday that I've been dreading more. I just want to put my head in the sand and just hide. 31 a number that I'm learning to dread. I turned the big 3-0 last year without a thought! I enjoyed the day as I do every other day. So how come 31 is such a big scary number. I have never let age affect me before and somehow this week has caused me such grief. Grief that I haven't been sharing but for some reason the closer I get to Friday the more my anxiety is shifting into overdrive.
Maybe it is because I always viewed 30 as old when I was a kid so subconsciously I view 31 as ancient. If I'm this way now for 31 I can just imagine what life will be like when I hit the big 4-0! Which is in 9 years. 9-years doesn't seem like a long time, when you put life in perspective.
I'm not even making a cake for myself, I keep asking Hughie if he would like a Joe Louis cake. (Chocolate cake,icing with whipcream in the center). I think he thinks it is because I really don't want to feel compelled to eat my birthday cake but really it is because I don't want my own birthday cake. I wanted a PUMPKIN PIE! But noooo...that won't happen because foodmail from M&M meats only sends up good healthy products...someone should tell them that PUMPKIN is a FRUIT!
I really don't know. I just wish I could put my head in the sand and just hide...or maybe I'm just finally joining the ranks of millions and millions of women who just hate their birthdays...or maybe I'm just being silly.